People call it as a turning point

What is turning point? Is it naturally happens like fate in our life or makes by us? Is turning point happens in everybody’s life? Or is it only happens in great person’s life? Is turning point is about our meaning to certain life event? Or is it just a big life event in our life without involving our meaning to it?

I don’t have any turning point in my life. Mmmm… maybe because I am not making one, or maybe I don’t really care about turning point in my life or my life just too flat. Honestly I am not sure whether is it turning point or just an ordinary life event. Merriam-webster.com describe turning point as a point at which a significant change occurs. Because I am not sure about turning point in my life so I’ll write the biggest life event till now.

My biggest life event till now is my final assignment. Before I had my final assignment two years ago, my thoughts were always about my life and my own perspective. Then, the curse called final assignment (Skripsi) happened. Many things had happened during almost two years of my final assignment. Sweet words and friendly smiles. I was sick of those things. It was not something I need for my never-ending struggle- that was my thought that time. But then, I realized that I was too cruel to expect people to understand me and fulfill my needs. It was not their fault if they can fulfill my expectations and it was not my right to judge them. After all, it is my life and my responsibility to handle everything that happens on it.

During my struggle on my final assignment, I become more sensitive to other people’s feelings, more precisely I changed my perspective on judging people’s feelings. Before, I tend to use my perspective and logical then now, I use their perspective more and explore their feelings deeper. I try to understand people’s life experiences and make me aware that we have different life experiences. It is not my right to judge other people’s life experience especially use my own life as a standard. But, I admit it’s hard to not use my life experiences as a standard to see other people’s life and I am still trying.

As the closing I will tell you my supervisor’s opinion about me on my final exam. She said that I am emotionless and not good at expressing feelings. She even can’t read whether I am confuse, sad, disappoint or happy. Mmm… actually I am not emotionless, I am only not good at expressing my feelings.

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Dream Job

When I was child, my hobby was reading book. Yeps, when I was child. Then, how about my hobby now? Hehehe, I don’t know, maybe watching movies and drawing.

Today’s topic is about childhood dream job and the reason I told you about my childhood hobby is because most of my dream jobs are from books I read. I dreamed to be a detective or mafia because I read an adventure book. When I was child, I was addicted to read adventure books. It never failed to surprise me. I don’t remember the title of the book I read which then inspired me to be detective or mafia. But I remember my excitement when I read that book. Almost every day, I imagined myself being a detective or mafia. I even imagined the name and costume when I was a detective or mafia. I thought it would be great if could do some moves and tricks against my enemy. I would catch a thief or steal a valuable things from museum. Hehehe.

Beside from books, my childhood dream influences by my father. He was a teacher but not really a good teacher maybe. I was not inspired by how great he was as a teacher, but it was because I become familiar with teacher. Maybe it’s true that job is inherited, because we unconsciously become familiar with the job and get used to it then we will think that it’s good enough to try. Especially when we were child, our parents’ job would be easier to internalize than other jobs.

Yeay….done. Do you know what my dream job is, now? Can you guess it?

Predictable taste of food

I am a picky eater. I always eat food that I used to eat. I don’t like trying new food especially food with strange and smelly ingredients. I have a habit to smell my food and analyze what kind of ingredients used on it. There were times when I try to eat new food, some of them were not bad to eat, but some others made me promised to myself not to eat that food again. I had a bad experience with food. It’s happened when I was child and I am still curious with everything. I ate a strange food then I vomitted all night. Since then, I am became careful with my food.

I always eat the same food for a long time in repetition and I am not bored with it. That’s why in I wrote “predictable taste of food” in my bio. As a boarding house student (?) I always buy my food. Because my habit to eat the same food and sometimes I ate them with weird style, the seller would notice my habit and eventhough I don’t tell them the food I want to eat they would served it correctly. Even some of my friends who noticed my habit will asked me, are you not bored with that food? or Oh, you eat that food again? Hmmm…sometimes I bored, but I don’t like trying new food and I don’t eat them because I disappointed with the taste or I am too lazy to think about what should I eat.

When I am home, I prefer to cook my own food because I can adjust it to my taste (fyi, I am not good at cooking). Even to fried an egg I prefer to do it by myself so I can adjust the texture and crunchiness.

Family as socialization agent

Family defined as two or more persons related by birth, marriage, or adoption who reside together. Based on Berns (2013) there are certain family basic functions included reproduction, socialization/education, assignment of social roles, economic support, nurturance/emotional support. In this post I’ll explore more about family function in nurturance.

As mentioned before about family definition, parents are including as family. Parents in nurturance have a great role as an socialization agent. Socialization agents include parents, extended family, teacher, peer, and society in general. Parents usually named as the main socialization agent. As the main socialization agent parents have more advantage than other socialization agents. Based on Grusec and Davidov (2006) parents have five advantages as socialization agent. First, parents and children are part of biosocial system that functions to maintain the next generation and ensure that children (next generation) can face social demands successfully. Second, the strong need of human to maintain a close relationship has the important role in socialization processes and oppurtunity to be connected are on parents-child relationship. Third, most of societies agree that parents have a role as a main socialization agent. Fourth, practical reason to socialize children encourage parents and child to live in near. Fifth, parents are on position to control the availability of socialization sources for children and maintain the environment and ensure that their children are protected from unfavorable influence.

As the main agent of socialization, parents have the most important responsibility to ensure that their child are protected, both from social and physic environment. These days, parents are faced with more challenges because of the sophisticated development in technology especially internet. Parents are required to mastering technology more than their children, so they could control their technology using. From my observation to my nephew, he was always busy with his gadget and ignore his social life. His parents can not stop him from playing his gadget, because he is always get tantrum when it’s happen. Parents are become afraid with their children and children are become powerful. They afraid if they become tough, their children will become rebel someday. The solution is not become tough or soft, but make a policy to control their gadget time. It’ll be more exhausting to make a policy and stick with it than let children playing with their gadget as they please, but maybe the impact will be more worth and last long.

Loneliness: Is it a gift or a curse?

Loneliness is not a negative emotion or embarrassing experience. It’s normal for being lonely because loneliness make yourself more like human being. Sometimes, when you’re being lonely you could achieve deeper self-awareness, a time to be creative, and opportunity to attain self-fulfillment and to explore meaning of life (Ozdemir & Tuncay, 2008). Loneliness is not about being alone but being lack of particular relational provision such as psychological support. It means you are being in a relationship or have many friends or in the crowd, but you’re gain nothing (especially psychological support) or couldn’t have an interaction with them.

Since childhood my mother always told me to live like Javanese phrase yen dewe ora kesepen, akeh konco rame ora keramen means not feeling lonely when being alone and not carried away when many friends. I always encourage myself that it’s okay to be alone because it’s nothing special or serious problem. Sometimes, being alone is a gift. I can open my mind about many things and do self-reflection. Maybe I could be a philosopher for my own life. But, at some points being alone is an ill because it’ll lead me to be over-thinking about something such as feeling an excessive guilt.

Loneliness is common in people who live abroad such as student or employee. It could be caused by staying away from family, task routine and lack of time to have an interaction. Research by Ozdemir dan Tuncay (2008) found that economical support, social interaction and psychological support in university student (most subject are live in dormitories) are correlate with loneliness. Living abroad would decrease the meeting time with family and it could leads to decrease of psychological support. A busy task routine could leads people to have a less interaction with others, so they’ll become lonely and feeling trapped in routine.

People who feel lonely may develop some strategies to cope with it such as messages and communication in social media, social activity, drinking, using drugs and etc. Some of them are adaptive and some others are maladaptive. People these days might use social media as a coping strategy and at some points it may be useful, but there’s possibility that it’ll lead us to internet addiction. People who can’t develop an adaptive coping strategy might become depressive and have a poor physical health (Dellinger-Ness & Handler, 2007). So, when we’re dealing with loneliness we should be wise about our coping strategy. Remember that we can determine whether loneliness will be a gift or a curse.

Dellinger-Ness, L.A. & Handler, L. (2007). Self -Injury, Gender, and Loneliness Among College Students. Journal of College Counseling 10, 142-152.

Ozdemir, U. & Tuncay, T. (2007). Correlated of Loneliness Among University Students. Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 2(29).

Crush? No, It’s a Crash

What’s wrong with today’s topic. Honestly, i wanted to refuse to write today’s topic. Crush? I won’t let the world know if i have a crush because i hate myself when I am being on a crush with someone. I hate when i am doing silly things, write a love letter, or have a gloomy day because of someone. It’s not like me. Being on crush with someone means crash over myself, emotional crash. It weighs my days.

Can i end it here?

Mmmmm….I’ll tell you about my story when I am being on crush with someone.

As far as I can remember till now, i’d never have a crush with stranger. I don’t believe love at first sight, so i always have a crush with someone i know for a long time. When i am being on crush with someone i’ll try hard to keep it secret from my friends and of course my crush. I don’t want him to know, because my crush is basically my friend. And i don’t want my friends to know because it’s so embarrassing and awkward. How can I have a crush on him? When I am being on crush with someone, I’ll always deny it and I’ll encourage myself that it won’t last long. So, the conclusion is I don’t want to have a crush on someone.

Done. I’ll end it here.

Dream House: A place where dreams begin

I always dreaming about my future house since childhood. Sometimes, I made a sketch of my dream house and imagined the color of the walls, the tile pattern in every room, flowers or vegetables I should grow on the yard. My future house should be a place where I can do many things that’ll make me happy and enjoy my life. I want to grow flowers in yard and vegetables in greenhouse, binge reading at leisure in mini library, cooking recipes that I found on the internet using vegetables from greenhouse, sleeping under the night sky and sometimes camping on the yard. I want a house with roof that can be opened to see stars and has an hidden space like in drama titled still 17.

These days people often talks about minimalist or maximalist house and I prefer minimalist house. It’s because wide and clean space in minimalist house will help me clear my mind, and I was kind of people who treasure my things and often become sad when I should throw them away. Compared to modern homes with magnical technology, I preferred warm house that encourage people to interact. I want every detail of my house has a meaning for every people who lives in, so they can find their favorite spots in the house. I want people who lives in the house find their comfort, sleep tightly and have good dreams. And the last, I want every detail of my house is designed by me (I know it’s a little bit impossible) like Jung Ryeo Won and Sung Kyung Ah in I Live Alone or at least some furnitures or accessories made by me.

Quarter-life: Not a kid anymore nor an adult, but it’s just me

I’m really not, but suddenly I become an adult.
Past twenty, not yet thirty, in between, right there.
When I am not a kid or an adult, when I am just me
I shine brightest
Palette (IU feat G-Dragon)

Today’s topic is about quarter of life. Palette is one of my favorite song and it describe quarter of life perfectly. Quarter-life is well-known phrase to describe people who are in their twenty somethings age. As said by G-Dragon in IU’s Palette song, when we are in our “twenty something” we are not kid or an adult, because we’re no longer an adolescents but not yet attained full adult status. Atwood and Scholtz (2008) said that quarter-life is emerging adulthood defined as period of life bridging adolesence and early adulthood. Based on Hurlock (2000) early adulthood range from 18 to 40 years old and it means that quarter-life or emerging adulthood is part of early adulthood. Early adult people have some developmental tasks includes getting a job, getting married, forming a family, educate children, take responsibility as a citizen and joining social group. As a emerging adulthood we’re in process of developing the skills, capabilities and qualities of character deemed by culture as an necessary completing transitions to adulthood. It is a phase of life when many different directions are possible. As a transition phase, quarter-life demand us with changes in life, choose something and be responsible for it.

Quarter-life often associated with quarter-life crisis. The term quarter-life crisis was coined by two journalists, Alexandra Robbins and Abby Wilner, who defined it as crisis experienced by “twenty somethings” characterized by a response to overwhelming instability, constant change, too many choices, and a panicked sense of helplessness (in Atwood & Scholtz, 2008). Quarter-life crisis defined in popular press as an identity crisis that leaves recent college graduates depressed, anxious, and full of doubt (Rossi & Membert, 2011). In this time, period we’re faced vast change and exploration of options surrounding relationships, job, political orientation and life goals (Arnitt in Atwood & Scholtz, 2008). In my opinion the main option and change in quarter life are about job and relationship, or for some people it’s life goals too. These options and changes demand us to be responsible because ready or not we’re an adult now and being an adult must be independently responsible with every action they took.

We are required to choose and find a job and of course with all obstacles surround them. When we choose a job it’s not only about our own preference but also parents’ and social’s preferences. As collectivist, we can’t ignore our parents’ preferences. As an elder, they have more experiences than us so they believe that their advice regarding job preference should be considered. Beside that, children are an extension life for their parents’ life, so it’s not impossible that they’ll transfer all their unreachable dreams in life to us. Social preferences make it even harder with their standard, they’ll evaluate whether our job suitable or valuable regarding social norms. After we found a job other demand comes, marriage life. For some people who are ready with marriage life it’s not a problem, but some others might feel burdened. Finding a life mate is not an easy task for some people, because each of us has our own obstacle, circle, preference and life goal. Our life mate can’t be predicted, right? After found a life mate and getting married, we’ll face challenges due to changes in status from single to being married and we’ll have new identity and place in social life. People who are not ready for marriage life ( including me) may not be ready with life after marriage or still want achievement in life or doing something as self-actualization.

Some people who are facing quarter-life crisis might be depressed as the result of individual’s identity and sense of self fluctuate markedly in response to the constant challenges life presents (Rossi & Membert, 2011). Rossi and Membert explained that frequently individuals feels they are alone in their struggle and do not have the resources needed to meet or rise above their life challenges. I believe that some of us feels lonely in struggling, because our friends now are not our friends before. They have their own life, some of them might be happy with their new family life, busy with their new job or continue their study and the rest maybe busy with their own thoughts like me or fight with the cruelty of job competition or sick of social opinions. We can’t tell them to stay, right? Because if it’s me, I won’t. Last month, I helped my friend with his interview script and do you know what he said about adulthood? Life is like this, when we’re become an adult, all of our friends are busy living their lives and what we can do is nothing. We should live our own lives. And yeah, what he said is true we should live our own lives, adult it’s not a new identity because it’s still us.

Rossi, N.E. & Membert, C.J. (2011). Does a Quarterlife Crisis Exist? The Journal of Genetic Psychology, 172(2), 141-161.

Atwood, J.D. & Scholtz, C. (2008). The Quarter-life Time Period: An Age of Indulgence, Crisis or Both? Contempt Fam Ther, 30, 233-250.

Sorry, It’s not about LOVE

Can I say this? I hate the topic of love. Am I unloved? No, I am sure many people out there love me.

Mmmm… I didn’t know what should I write for this topic. Previously I wanted to make this post as scientific as possible, but ewwwwrrr I was too lazy to read book or scientific journal. But then, I read my favorite book titled The Social Animal by Elliot Aronson, so this post might be a little bit scientific (?). So here, I wrote this post with half of my heart (I did it on purpose to not write this post wholeheartedly).

Aronson said, if you want someone to like you, instead of doing her a favor, try to get her to do you a favor. In 1869, Leo Tolstoy said that we do not love people so much for the good they have done us, as for the good we have done them. A century before Tolstoy, Benjamin Franklin used strategy as said by Tolstoy for political ploy and gained a success. Rather than do a favor for other people, Franklin asked a favor from them to win their heart. Franklin win over his political opposition’s heart succesfully (who have library in his house with scarce book) by asked him to lend his book because he wanted to peruse the book.

Why do we love people who got favor from us rather than people who have done a favor for us? Aronson said that it is because we tend to justify our action towards other. Individuals have tendency to justify every action they took so they will feel that every action they took is reasonable. When we do a favor for people we will try to make it as reasonable as possible to be done. We would say that people who received our favor are deserving person, lovable or good person then as time goes by we would see that person as we think.

For me, I don’t really have tendency to justify my unreasonable action for others as they are good or deserving person. Instead, I believe that people who asked me a favor think that I am good enough or can be trusted for doing the favor or I am a “yes man” person who always said yes for everything they ask. So, if you want to win over my heart it will be useless for making me do a favor for you. But, if you wanna try to ask me a favor, I’ll lend my hand for you with pleasure. HAHAHA.

Sorry, it’s not about love because these days, I am in state where I am too lazy to use my heart.

All I can see is beauty

There is French phrase L’heure entre chien et loup which means The hour between dog and wolf or Time between dog and wolf. Some articles I read said that phrase referring to dusk hour. When the sky darkens you can’t distinguish whether is it a friendly dog or vicious wolf. The sky gets burn into a warm red and getting darker slowly then all you can see is silhouette. From the silhouette you can’t tell wether is it a friend or enemy. But, all I can see from dusk is different, it’s not dog or wolf, it’s beauty from the orange-evening sky called sunset.

For me, sunset is always full of surprise and I can’t even hold myself not to take a photo of it. Most of my sadness last year were healed by sunset. It gave me strength. It encouraged me that everything gonna be alright. When I can’t tell my sadness to anyone, it’s always there. It’s not waiting for me, because it exists for anyone who can’t tell their unspoken life. God is kind, right? That’s way beautiful sunset exists.

Because I’d like took a photo of sunset, these some of my sunset photos. Hope you like it 😊😊